there I was, in the middle of the night, sitting in your nursery. I usually found myself here whenever I just needed time to think. that night as I was in that chair I started to cry. I was exhausted. I was the biggest i've ever been, unable to put my own socks on and so tired of being pregnant. I wanted to meet my boy and I felt like i was ready. earlier that week I had a doctors appointment and found out I was dilated 1cm and 50% effaced for the second week in the row. it's always hard to hear that your not making progress at this point and it was so frustrating to let go of these expectations i had for myself. i had a feeling you would come early so with each day i couldn't help but be a little disappointed in my body. so while i was in that chair, i was trying my hardest to let go of these feelings and prayed for patience and strength to get through the next two weeks. just then your daddy walked in. he held me, let me cry to him and with him i was able to find peace again.
the next morning at 7:30 we woke up to a loud bang on our door. who in the heck was knocking on our door this early?! and twice in a row! when your dad went to answer he looked through the peep hole and saw an old man with his dog. so daddy came back upstairs to get his clothes on and went back to the door but the grandpa was gone. after that we just couldn't get back to sleep so i went to take a bath. during the bath i felt something going on with my tummy. it was really mild though so i figured it was gas and didn't think twice about it. when i got out of the bath that's when the tightening hit me. it was small but really frequent, about every 5 minutes or so for 10-20 seconds. i figured it was just braxton hicks but just in case your dad and i started timing them. later that morning we went over to uncle marky's house to babysit max and rosie. while we were there i noticed that my "braxton hicks" were getting stronger and more frequent. they were coming every 2-4 minutes for 30 or so seconds. once uncle got home around 4 we all went to cafe rio for lunch. while i was there, aunt brittanie showed up and told me that i wasn't having braxton hicks haha that people don't have to breathe through those! i wasn't sure though and went to the bathroom. while i was in there i felt that my underwear was soaking wet. so i went back, told daddy and decided to stop by the hospital on our way home to just make sure.
we checked into Timpanogos Hospital at 5:00 pm. the nurse checked me and said i was 2cm and 70% effaced. she then checked the fluids to see if any of the wet had been amniotic fluid. just by looking at it she didn't think it was but they wanted to test it anyway. so they monitored me for the next hour and said if i didn't dilate to a 3 that we would be sent home. at this point i still didn't think i was going into labor. we figured we'd get to go back home and finish out what we had planned for the rest of the day. as soon as the nurse left my contractions were coming every 30 seconds and lasted about 45 - 1 minute each. they were getting really intense and harder to breathe through. while i was laying there one had hit me so hard! i was clinging on to dads hands as he breathed with me. during the peak of the contraction all of the sudden there was a loud POP and my water had completely broke. it went everywhere. and that's when it hit us. we were going to have a baby in the next 24 hours!! what the heck haha this is not what we had planned! we were so excited but a little taken aback so daddy gave me a blessing. we were able to feel the spirit so strong, kai. i knew that i was ready and knew that i was going to have courage and strength to get through whatever would happen next.
we had then called our parents and let them know what was going on. while they were on their way i was checked again and still at 2cm but 100% effaced. the nurse suggested that if i wanted to get an epidural, now would be a good time. the epidural was so much less painful than i thought it would be. it's just scary because the needle is bigger but honestly, the IV was worse but both of those weren't even painful at all. luckily i had an amazing anesthesiologist though and a great labor & delivery nurse who were so kind and talked me through it. at 7:30pm the epidural had kicked in and my family had arrived! for the next 2 and 1/2 hours we watched movies together and daddy fed me flavored ice chips (blackberry flavor was bomb). during this time however, i started to shake uncontrollably, to the point where my family thought i was having seizures. the anesthesiologist came back in to check me out. he said that he's never seen it this bad before and assumed it was from the epidural. he then told me that he was afraid the epidural had gotten into my blood stream. if this had happened, he would take me off completely and i would have to go through the rest of the birth natural. he said he'd call the experts and see what he could find out. so they took me off for about 30 minutes to see what would happen. i was so scared and blind-sided but your daddy reassured me that it would be okay and we said another prayer. i was able to calm down and once i had relaxed the seizures slowed down. when the anesthesiologist came back he said he consented with other doctors and they felt like i needed a higher dose of an epidural instead. so he put that in immediately and once he did, the seizures stopped completely.
at 10 p.m. my nurse (Amy, was her name by the way and she is an angel sent to earth) checked me and i was at 6cm! then at 11 p.m. i was at an 8. my family then started placing bets on when you would get here. some said as soon as 12:15 haha but nurse Amy was convinced it would take at least 2 hours to push. which i was totally expecting since it was my first labor. despite what she said though, your dad thought 12:50am.
when midnight arrived Amy came in to check on my vitals. she wasn't going to check my cervix since she had just an hour before but my mum and sisters thought that i had progressed. and they were right! when she looked down she saw that i was at a 10, however, she wanted me to wait another hour to start pushing so that you would have time to get lower in the birth canal. plus, the doctor was at another hospital doing an emergency c-section. at 12: 30am grandpa had a feeling to ask the nurse to check back in. even though i was on an epidural, i could feel you and i knew that you were already where you were supposed to be. sure enough, Amy came in and said i could start pushing and that the doctor would be here in about 30 minutes.
i was so excited to start pushing! even though i knew it would be a few hours, i was willing to do anything just to get you in my arms. the first contraction i pushed three times as hard as i could. daddy and amy were incredible and so encouraging. after the second contraction and round of pushing vaughan told me that he could see your hair! we started crying. i was so nervous and ready to meet you. at 12:50 am during the third push daddy said that he could see the whole top of your head! right then Amy yelled to stop pushing. so i stopped as soon as i could but you kept coming out haha immediately things got crazy! all i remember is yelling and nurses rushing in and everyone coming to the bed. without pushing i felt you come out completely. then i heard you cry.
you were perfect. and so much more than i could have ever imagined. immediately after cutting the umbilical cord you were placed on my chest. tears were rolling down my eyes as i held your tiny body.
you were here. you were finally home.