Sunday, November 2, 2014

one month //

kaikaro was actually one month on October 26th. these pictures were taken around then and i can't keep staring at them! he has grown so so much these last 4-5 weeks. he is no longer my little 6 pound 8 ounce squishy boy. he now has thigh, neck and wrist rolls! i have a feelin he is gonna be a chunk haha he is so strong already! he's lifting his head and turning to his side. a couple weeks ago we put him on the changing table and left to grab something for like 10 seconds and when we came back he was pulling on the side of the changing pad and trying to lift himself up! i swear. this boy is giving me a heart attack already. 

i don't know for sure how much he weighs now but i'm guessing at least 8 pounds. i've gotten so weak since labor that i seriously can hardly even hold him for longer than 5 minutes. luckily my 6 weeks is coming up in a couple days so i can get back to working out and re-strengthening all the muscles i lost. i gotta keep up with this mini body builder of mine. 

his personality is so calm. so loving. and by the pictures you can see he's super cheeky haha i mean those facial expressions happen all the time and i completely die. he also flares his nostrils just like his mommy. and he does this face where he opens his eyes wide open and does a kissy face. i love that he knows his mommy and daddy. most of the time when one of us comes in the room he can recognize our voices and turns his head to where we are. and sometimes during play time he'll just look at me and start to smile. even laugh. then i turn into a puddle. 

vaughan and i are doing good. doing better than ever, really. just not in the way you would think. we are mostly sleep deprived and sometimes stress out and i have had a couple break downs but it's true what people say, it does get easier with time. i trust my maternal instincts now. i feel confident as his mother and i'm able to recognize what he needs a lot better. very slowly i'm starting to feel more secure in this new chapter of life. 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

kaikaro's first bath with daddy

 i can't even come up with words right now. my brain is so fried. these last 4 weeks of motherhood have been indescribable! the best time, of course. i've never felt so much love before. but it's also been the hardest for me mentally, physically and emotionally. things have gotten better though, slowly my body has healed and i've become more confident in my abilities of helping kai with what he needs. we also decided to stay with my parents for a while and that has been a huge game changer. i now have time to sleep and just extra support for those moments where i feel completely broken down. something that we've begun to establish in baby's night routine is bath time. we do this before bed time and it's quickly becoming what i look forward to with each day. as soon as he gets in the water he just completely goes into tonic (shark week reference). just so settled and calm and curious.

he is one month old today. my little squishy boy.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

baby kai // a birth story

thursday, september 26th at 12:51 a.m.

there I was, in the middle of the night, sitting in your nursery. I usually found myself here whenever I just needed time to think. that night as I was in that chair I started to cry. I was exhausted. I was the biggest i've ever been, unable to put my own socks on and so tired of being pregnant. I wanted to meet my boy and I felt like i was ready. earlier that week I had a doctors appointment and found out I was dilated 1cm and 50% effaced for the second week in the row. it's always hard to hear that your not making progress at this point and it was so frustrating to let go of these expectations i had for myself. i had a feeling you would come early so with each day i couldn't help but be a little disappointed in my body. so while i was in that chair, i was trying my hardest to let go of these feelings and prayed for patience and strength to get through the next two weeks. just then your daddy walked in. he held me, let me cry to him and with him i was able to find peace again. 

the next morning at 7:30 we woke up to a loud bang on our door. who in the heck was knocking on our door this early?! and twice in a row! when your dad went to answer he looked through the peep hole and saw an old man with his dog. so daddy came back upstairs to get his clothes on and went back to the door but the grandpa was gone. after that we just couldn't get back to sleep so i went to take a bath. during the bath i felt something going on with my tummy. it was really mild though so i figured it was gas and didn't think twice about it. when i got out of the bath that's when the tightening hit me. it was small but really frequent, about every 5 minutes or so for 10-20 seconds. i figured it was just braxton hicks but just in case your dad and i started timing them. later that morning we went over to uncle marky's house to babysit max and rosie. while we were there i noticed that my "braxton hicks" were getting stronger and more frequent. they were coming every 2-4 minutes for 30 or so seconds. once uncle got home around 4 we all went to cafe rio for lunch. while i was there, aunt brittanie showed up and told me that i wasn't having braxton hicks haha that people don't have to breathe through those! i wasn't sure though and went to the bathroom. while i was in there i felt that my underwear was soaking wet. so i went back, told daddy and decided to stop by the hospital on our way home to just make sure. 

we checked into Timpanogos Hospital at 5:00 pm. the nurse checked me and said i was 2cm and 70% effaced. she then checked the fluids to see if any of the wet had been amniotic fluid. just by looking at it she didn't think it was but they wanted to test it anyway. so they monitored me for the next hour and said if i didn't dilate to a 3 that we would be sent home. at this point i still didn't think i was going into labor. we figured we'd get to go back home and finish out what we had planned for the rest of the day. as soon as the nurse left my contractions were coming every 30 seconds and lasted about 45 - 1 minute each. they were getting really intense and harder to breathe through. while i was laying there one had hit me so hard! i was clinging on to dads hands as he breathed with me. during the peak of the contraction all of the sudden there was a loud POP and my water had completely broke. it went everywhere. and that's when it hit us. we were going to have a baby in the next 24 hours!! what the heck haha this is not what we had planned! we were so excited but a little taken aback so daddy gave me a blessing. we were able to feel the spirit so strong, kai. i knew that i was ready and knew that i was going to have courage and strength to get through whatever would happen next. 

we had then called our parents and let them know what was going on. while they were on their way i was checked again and still at 2cm but 100% effaced. the nurse suggested that if i wanted to get an epidural, now would be a good time. the epidural was so much less painful than i thought it would be. it's just scary because the needle is bigger but honestly, the IV was worse but both of those weren't even painful at all. luckily i had an amazing anesthesiologist though and a great labor & delivery nurse who were so kind and talked me through it. at 7:30pm the epidural had kicked in and my family had arrived! for the next 2 and 1/2 hours we watched movies together and daddy fed me flavored ice chips (blackberry flavor was bomb). during this time however, i started to shake uncontrollably, to the point where my family thought i was having seizures. the anesthesiologist came back in to check me out. he said that he's never seen it this bad before and assumed it was from the epidural. he then told me that he was afraid the epidural had gotten into my blood stream. if this had happened, he would take me off completely and i would have to go through the rest of the birth natural. he said he'd call the experts and see what he could find out. so they took me off for about 30 minutes to see what would happen. i was so scared and blind-sided but your daddy reassured me that it would be okay and we said another prayer. i was able to calm down and once i had relaxed the seizures slowed down. when the anesthesiologist came back he said he consented with other doctors and they felt like i needed a higher dose of an epidural instead. so he put that in immediately and once he did, the seizures stopped completely. 

at 10 p.m. my nurse (Amy, was her name by the way and she is an angel sent to earth) checked me and i was at 6cm! then at 11 p.m. i was at an 8. my family then started placing bets on when you would get here. some said as soon as 12:15 haha but nurse Amy was convinced it would take at least 2 hours to push. which i was totally expecting since it was my first labor. despite what she said though, your dad thought 12:50am. 

when midnight arrived Amy came in to check on my vitals. she wasn't going to check my cervix since she had just an hour before but my mum and sisters thought that i had progressed. and they were right! when she looked down she saw that i was at a 10, however, she wanted me to wait another hour to start pushing so that you would have time to get lower in the birth canal. plus, the doctor was at another hospital doing an emergency c-section. at 12: 30am grandpa had a feeling to ask the nurse to check back in. even though i was on an epidural, i could feel you and i knew that you were already where you were supposed to be. sure enough, Amy came in and said i could start pushing and that the doctor would be here in about 30 minutes. 

i was so excited to start pushing! even though i knew it would be a few hours, i was willing to do anything just to get you in my arms. the first contraction i pushed three times as hard as i could. daddy and amy were incredible and so encouraging. after the second contraction and round of pushing vaughan told me that he could see your hair! we started crying. i was so nervous and ready to meet you. at 12:50 am during the third push daddy said that he could see the whole top of your head! right then Amy yelled to stop pushing. so i stopped as soon as i could but you kept coming out haha immediately things got crazy! all i remember is yelling and nurses rushing in and everyone coming to the bed. without pushing i felt you come out completely. then i heard you cry. 

you were perfect. and so much more than i could have ever imagined. immediately after cutting the umbilical cord you were placed on my chest. tears were rolling down my eyes as i held your tiny body. 
you were here. you were finally home.

all pictures by courtney t photography

Monday, September 8, 2014

Like A Boss Pre-Made Template //

i mean, my template titles are just money right? hahaha SOMEONE HELP ME come up with better ones please! until then, here's the latest edition to my etsy shop. xx

Thursday, September 4, 2014

my pregnancy essentials

1. Epsom Salts. these SAVED me during my first trimester. i was lucky not to be throwing up for the whole time those first three months ( especially considering my mum was deathly sick her entire pregnancy) but i did have a time period from 6-10 weeks that hit me the hardest. during this time i had completely lost every ounce of energy, my body was extremely weak and i was way nauseous... you know the drill. but the one thing that really made me crash was not drinking enough water and then getting dehydrated. this is where epsom salts come in! i started mixing about 2-3 cups worth in my baths (that i took at least twice daily) and it made the biggest difference. basically, epsom salts just help your body soak in all that water from the tub. i noticed a huge change in not only my energy levels but in my nausea too.

2. BabyList Registry. more or less the best thing that happened to baby registries. it's a website and an app where you can add any item from anywhere. when i first started organizing all the things i needed for baby i'd get frustrated because at certain registries (like amazon or target) you can only add products that they carry. i didn't like bouncing back and forth and wanted some place to store my "master list." then heaven's doors opens and i found babylist!  it lets you add from any site. it even gives you their top favorite stores and registries and a checklist for references. and it organizes everything into categories. everything my little type-A heart desires.

3. Sprout Pregnancy App. vaughan and our parents absolutely love this app. it shows a 3D image of baby every week with all the info about it's developments. it also has a bunch of organizing options (doctor appointments, hospital bag checklist, baby checklist) and a timer that keeps track of contractions.

4. Bringing up Bebe & BabyWise. i've read probably too many books about pregnancy and birth and babies and parenting but these two have been my favorites so far. i wrote a review on bringing up bebe where i basically just poured out my feelings on how it opened my eyes and helped me gain a higher perspective on boundaries and not succumbing to this "American Mom" mold that we see everyday. BabyWise was a long read and not as fun as bebe but it was way informational and helped me understand how important it is to teach our babies to sleep!

5. Coconut Oil. if you've read my pregnancy updates than you already know how emotionally attached i am to this stuff. stretch marks are in my genes. i already have some on my bum since high school. i thought for sure i would get plenty during pregnancy. well, now i'm 8 months pregnant and the largest i've ever been and i don't have a single mark on where i've grown! i'm convinced it's because of coconut oil. about two years ago vaughan and i started adding it in to our shower/bath regime and we've both noticed the difference it has made with our previous stretch marks. so once i got pregnant i made sure to apply it specifically to belly and chest and i honestly think it's been a huge help to prevent any marks. it also is money for when you are stretching and your back and belly start to itch. i would apply a small amount any time i felt the itching and it would instantly go away.

6. Max Green Smoothie. from the juice press down our street but really ANY smoothie applies. going back to my first trimester, there was no way i could get down my prenatal's. so vaughan would either buy or make me these smoothies that were packed with the nutrition i needed. having these first thing in the morning would always help settle my stomach and was honestly just a better start to the day.

7. Massages. i mean, obviously right? haha it may sound strange but i had to put this on my list! i couldn't really get out of the house for that long until month 3 of pregnancy so as soon as i could handle a drive i started seeing a massage therapist 1-2 times a month. this was important to me because it was always so relaxing (duh) and helped keep my stress to a minimum. plus laying in a bed all day and all night can cause some serious back pain. so do yourself a favor and schedule them out to at least once a month. when mamma is relaxed, baby is relaxed. so if not for yourself than at least for your little one :) also, these are SO GREAT for post-labor!

8. Baby Moon. when you're finally feeling like a normal human being again and aren't too big to where you are waddling and a flight-risk... book a ticket and get away with your baby daddy! even if it's somewhere local. splurge on a hotel for a couple days, get out of your regular routine, eat some yummy food and just spend time together. we went to california for a week and it was easily one of the funnest trips we've had because of that alone time we were able to share after a rough first trimester. it was re-energizing and kind of like a reward for ourselves that we (and every preggy momma) deserved.

9. Melatonin. everyone has their own opinions on what to take and not take while pregnant BUT i did my research, talked to my doctors and felt like this was a good decision for me. melatonin is a natural sleep-aid. i take only 5mg (one pill) for the nights where i am feeling restless and it always puts me to sleep within the hour. i had a body pillow for like two weeks but i didn't need it for much longer than that. even now with my big belly i haven't needed any extra aid. just the occasional melatonin for when i am anxious or have restless leg syndrome.

10. My Baby Daddy. there were times in my first trimester (the infamous 6-10 week period i talked about earlier) where i couldn't even get out of bed. every single one of these days vaughan would get me food, massage what was hurting, google search every symptom i had, brush my hair, dress me and carry me to the multiple baths that he would run. i know i sound SO pathetic describing this but guess what? that's just how it was. i could not even physically stand on my own. i could barely open my eyes sometimes. i would be so ungrateful if i didn't mention it here. out of everything on my list, he was the most essential. not everyone has a chance to have someone like this but what i'm trying to get at is don't be afraid to ask people for help! reach out to your support system on the days where you just feel like you can't go on.

every single pregnancy is different and there's not just one "pregnancy essentials" list that will fit everyone's needs... but i hope there is at least one thing on here that can help make a difference!


Saturday, August 30, 2014

da bebe shower

it was so great. the pictures don't do it any justice at ALL but i just didn't have time get everything! my sisters and mum planned a pineapple theme and it turned out soo cute. so pinterest worthy. if only i had an all white studio where i could show off all the little details put into it! pineapple cookies, the tropical flower arrangements, the NOODLE AND COMPANY MAC N CHEESE (!!!!!) and the silver spray-painted pineapples for decoration. oh my gosh. and all i had to do was sit there and eat my body weight in my favorite food while laughing and talking with my favorite people in the world. i want to have another one. do they do them for second and third and so on babies? because they should. it makes me that much more pumped to bring our little one in this world to meet and be surrounded and loved by all the wonderful people that came. and free stuff is so great. especially Target giftcards. vaughan and i ended up paying a third of the original price for our baby monitor. and i also got an ergo baby!! winter edition my friends. it comes with fur... enough said. 

ending on semi-candid black and white pictures is the greatest. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

fontsies 2 //

ahh, fonts!! i have totally been off my game lately. i'll try and bring this "series" back more often. these are some free fonts that caught my eye this last month. i'm also obsessed with this Stringfellows font that hit the market for $20 (which is kind of a good deal for script fonts like these). so for sure check it out if you're into making prints or designing! 

happy monday!